Allow me to tell you a bit about my journey so far with Jesus.
I am grateful to God that I am not the same person I was when He saved me over 15 years ago.
Back then, I was a good kid. I was praised often for my good behavior, my good grades, and my seeming respect for authority, but on the inside there was a constant wrestling. Always angry, always judging, and always feeling like I lacked what I deserved. Beyond just simple approval, I wanted to be sought after and I wanted to be revered because of what I had to offer.
Then God convicted my heart. Somewhere along the way, I had learned that God is omniscient and one night before bed it finally clicked. I knew without a doubt that HE knew who I really was even if nobody else did. HE knew the ugly parts of me that I kept hidden from everybody else. And I knew that without Jesus I would never be good enough to be with God and that thought really broke me. That is the moment when I prayed for forgiveness and Jesus began to change me from the inside out.
I am also grateful to God that I am not the same person I was 10 years ago. By this time, I was consistently going to church, plugged into college ministry, and for the first time ever I was being discipled by other believers. Thankfully, God had begun to humble me and chip away at my pride. But there were still things I struggled with almost daily: selfishness, impatience, defensiveness, and a really short fuse which frequently resulted in angry outbursts. I had to confront these parts of myself because they directly affected the relationships in my life. As I drew closer to Jesus, I learned more about His everlasting love, kindness, and grace towards us and I was inspired to be more like that. My responses began to change and some of those broken parts of me started to heal.
Even so, I am grateful that I am not the person I was 5 years ago. Although by this time (by God’s grace) I had a better handle on my ego, there was still plenty I needed to learn. And God continued to teach me.
I’m really glad I’m not the same person I was 15yrs ago, 10yrs ago or even 5yrs ago. The Lord has worked miraculously in many areas in my heart over the course of these years and he continues to work on me. Hopefully those of you who know me well now would be surprised to hear how self-centered, prideful and angry I once was. This certainly doesn’t mean I’m even CLOSE to perfect, but praise God there has been significant transformation, because only He could’ve done that.
Instead of being the best, I just want to grow to be more like Christ. Instead of pushing myself to the front, I want to bring people alongside me. I want to listen to understand, instead of waiting impatiently for my turn to be heard. I want to be humble enough to listen and learn the truth, instead of arguing that I’m right. I want to extend grace and love, because Jesus loved me first. I want to be more like Him tomorrow than I was today.
I believe that the Lord has given me the gift of mercy. Currently I work at New Life Solutions (pro life ministry) and it brings me so much joy serving there knowing that women’s lives will be redeemed and transformed and babies’ lives will be saved. It’s become clear to me that I long for people to understand their value according to their identity in Christ rather than in what the world says they are. Through God’s redemption of me I have found freedom. It is my hope that I can help others find this freedom that exists when you follow Jesus.
This is my story, so far at least. I praise God for what He has done already and pray that He will continue to transform me as well as those He places around me.